The Big Influence of Small Habits works both for and against us.

Habits and “norms” can be such invisible, subtle little things. Some are so ingrained that they feel more innate, natural and normal than they really are, too often we don’t even notice them.

Insignificant, small and harmless as they might seem they can impact and influence our values, behaviours, thinking and choices in ways that, without awareness of them, we can’t begin to understand, let alone question, reflect on or change.

Is it human nature to

- seek approval and satisfaction from others before giving it to ourselves, or

- give and value our own internal approval more and first?

Do our social “norms” on this, that are so deeply programmed that we don’t even realise that we’re both doing and reinforcing, match or conflict with human nature?

None of us have the right to feel that we’re the centre of the universe, but we all deserve to know and feel people around us who support and want the best for us, and to have people to give that back to..

So which is the more real, empowering lesson to feel and pass on;

- Take pride in what you do, and do what makes you proud or

- Make others proud of you, and do what makes others proud

If the belief that the words we use and how we use them matter is true, it starts to become clear why many of us have unhealthy habits that listen to and even fear the opinions and judgement of others, seek approval from external sources over giving it to ourselves and value the approval of others more their own.

Without realising it we practice, teach and pass on lessons that walk us all into the traps we warn people about, and sometimes we start teaching early... and then we spend a lifetime trying unlearn those same lessons and habits, to create new, different, healthier ones... but finally starting to explore the real truths about how to live your best life usually only comes after hard and hurtful lessons in how badly flawed, harmful and outdated the “social norms” and “rules” we’ve blindly passed down to each other for hundreds of years are for us.

It’s weird how we can teach others the same unhealthy habits we’re simultaneously trying to unlearn after discovering they’re harmful bullshit. Maybe we should save some time and pain, and just start with teaching the right lessons?

The list of beliefs, behaviours, “norms” and habits that this same kind of skipping the unnecessary steps can be applied to is endless.

Seeing these things and starting change is just a matter of occasionally stopping to reflect, question, and make more conscious choices about what and how we do what we do.