The Inner Critic doesn't deserve the power we give it
Most of us have an inner voice - that inner monologue and self-talk that happens in our minds throughout the day. It’s with us for the most mundane, everyday tasks like ticking off a mental shopping list, to those conversations, debates and song contest wins we live for in the shower and those bigger moments of self reflection that can change our lives. It’s not something anyone really talks about though, and no-one teaches us about it, and while hearing voices will make us call a doctor, we just accept self talk as part of who we are. How well we understand it though….is as questionable as some of things it can tell us about ourselves.
Sometimes I wonder if it’s less of an inner voice, and more of an inner smurf village, and the tone of the self talk depends on which smurf has the mic - somedays it’s papa smurf, others it’s smurfette, or jokey smurf..but sometimes the evil smurf takes over, and turns the inner voice into a savage inner critic. It tells us the worst stories about ourselves, throws the darkest shade, catatrophosises every question, makes us believe the harshest “truths” about who we are and what we do and brings a storm of destruction that is anything but smurfy. We learn to trust our inner voice, but because we don’t understand it, we listen to the critic too.
Because we don’t understand the inner voice it’s impossible to understand the inner critic - what it is, where it comes from or its role and purpose we just accept and believe every horrible, nasty word it throws our way - I think because we believe we’re just meant to.. but that’s legit ridic. The inner critic doesn’t tell us the truth, and it isn't constructive - it’s one bias, limited, negative (over) reactive perspective - usually made in or about a moment - that is intended to make us doubt and question our behaviours, thoughts, actions, belief and self.
When you deconstruct it, and look at the things it tells us objectively, the inner critic is just liar and bully with a short attention span, projecting a warped reality to create distraction and destruction - and we give it way too much power.
Here’s the thing no-one tells us about the inner critic
we don't have to give it the attention and energy it craves.
we don't have to listen to it's twisted words and
we can and should question and challenge the awful things it tells us, and have a few tricks up our sleeve to silence it.
The more we do this, the more we can reclaim the power and time it steals with anxiety.
The inner critic evil smurf comes from an innocent and reasonable enough place, and from a well meaning purpose. Psychology would say it’s the SuperEgo keeping the impulsive Id in check and persuading the Ego to be more than realistic - but to strive to be the perfect, ideal self. It's reasonable things like vulnerability, instinct, experience, doubt, self awareness, insecurity, nervousness, a want to be liked, fit in, be respected, and to do and be our best… but like feeding gremlins after midnight, the Superego transforms into monstrous versions of themselves, and the inner critic takes over.. because we don't recognise them or understand it, or know how to manage it..
That we don’t understand the inner critic, or know that we don’t have to listen to it, is part of what feeds its power - it’s really just our own personal Twitter Troll, and doesn't deserve the voice and power we give it. We can learn to how to reclaim them and manage it though, instead of it allowing it to own us with it’s bleak filter of the world.
There are a lot of different approaches and strategies that people use to challenge the critic - and like anything it’s about finding what works for you.
I argue with mine, or send it voicemail, and have a few tricks to shut it up.. Some of them are below. they don’t always work, but they do most of the time.
Understanding the Inner Voice and Critic
These resources might help with deconstructing and reframing how you see and manage the critic a bit more.
The Psychology of the Inner Critic
At it's simplest, The Inner Critic is - The instinct of the ID + the reasoning of the EGO, scrambled by a corrupted SuperEgo
https://www.simplypsychology.org/psyche.html
The Inner Critic can also be a defence mechanism - https://www.simplypsychology.org/defense-mechanisms.html
Challenging and Managing Your Inner Critic
Some say you should Name Your Inner Critic
Giving the inner critic a name makes it tangible and addressable - it’s no longer you saying it, it’s them. We don’t typically have a defence mechanism for ourselves against ourselves but we do against external comments.
When you name your critic it loses some of its power because you are acknowledging that you are not the problem. You don’t need to be fixed. The real problem is that you believe everything the critic is telling you - when we don’t need to believe any of it.
Check out LifeHacker and The Emotion Machine for more.
5 Why’s to freedom
To see if what your critic is telling you is real, test the evidence to understand where it’s coming from, and why.
Question what your inner critic is saying to see if it’s valid, with lots of why’s - like that annoying 5 year old. Why is the magic question, because it the simplest way to ask for explanations.
If there is no valid reason within 5 Why’s, there is no reason to listen.
10 seconds from Satan
Allow 10 seconds for your inner critic to troll you hard, give them permission to throw their worst at you in that time, like go full Joan Rivers, Bianca Del Rio on you. But then, after having said their piece they have to leave you in peace to do what you need to do.
All you have to do is the countdown while the inner critic rants away meaninglessly to no-one. You don’t even need to pay attention.
Screen the calls
You know how you screen calls and hold on replying to messages from friends you actually like but, when it comes to the critic, like a sucker you always pick up when it comes knocking to tell you how badly you're failing at life. ( makes perfect sense right?). If you don't have time to talk to your mates, you don't have time for the critic either. Let the little bitch go to voicemail.
The critic is so obsessed with what is happening in the moment that you'll never actually have to take that call - which just proves how meaningless what they say is.
B.J FOGG - The Habit Loop
Creating any type of change takes time and conscious effort - changing existing and creating new habits is easier when you understand them, and have a guide to how.
BJ Fogg Habit change model is a great guide to conscious habit change.
https://habit.com/.../change-habits-start-new-ones-using.../
There is also the most powerful thing we can teach ourselves...
That Vulnerability is a Superpower…
