SELF CARE PROBABLY ISN’T WHAT YOU THINK IT IS

It’s a wild rollercoaster of emotions and extremes that we’re on right now, and everyone has had at least one little breakdown, or ten big ones or three today already… right?…and if you’ve had those moments of being not quite sure what tf is going on, what’s next, or what day it is, you might feel like you’re losing it, but let me assure you, you’re not.

Self care has always been important, even if we don’t really understand what it means. With the pandemic giving us more of an end of days vibe that start of decade, it’s a even more important than usual.

We’ve jumped from standing at the literal firey gates of hell into global pandemonium, dodged Karen’s and jumped through unexpected plot twists transforming almost all aspects of our lives - with no idea what’s on the other side and making up the next move as we go, because we don’t have a plan for this.

Real life isn’t meant to be the plot of a disaster movie.

About the only thing most of us probably haven’t done, or haven’t done enough, is taken a time out for some stress free fun, self reflection or a well deserved rest.

The changes to every part of life - social, mental, emotional, physical, work and habits ( good and bad) - have impacted each of us in new, surprising and different ways, both positive and negative. We have stumbled, panicked, shimmied, shook, created, binged, medicated, talked, laughed, cried, partied, and managed our way through this unfamiliar mess…even if it’s sometimes been just one day at time.

Self care is about creating the balance, kindness, time, space and fun that we all need to recharge, re-energise and refocus. It’s needed and well deserved, now it’s time to prioritise it.

Self care isn’t just a wellbeing buzzword, a #healthyhashtag on the gram, a HR trend or a TikTok challenge.

Self Care is knowing what refreshes and nourishes your soul, and doing more of that

Self Care isn’t massages, yoga, getting 8 hours of sleep, eating healthy, #selfcare selfies and HR buzzwords.

It’s not a reward of “you time” for punishing and neglecting yourself for your work, everyone and everything else but you.

Self Care is knowing what your responsibilities are - and doing them to reduce the stress of not being on top of your “life admin”, it’s self reflection, learning and change, it’s finding the things that nourish your soul and doing more of them, and it’s doing it consistently until self care is just habit - not a hobby on the side when you can squeeze in some time.

It looks and sounds different on everyone, and something that is beneficial to all of us - even you.

We undervalue and misunderstand Self Care, label it with mental health and think of it as a reward to earn or a stress management solution. We go to Yoga to calm the mind- but don’t address the cause of the noise we’re trying to calm.

What is Self-Care?

We’ve been hashtagging #selfcare for a while now - it’s the #yogalife, looking after yourself, balancing and managing work and daily stress, massages, eating well, staying on budget, exercising, getting 8 hours sleep, drinking all the water, making time for friends, family, fun, heath, work, you, and feeding the unicorns while listening to the guided meditation that’s trending and will change your life.

These are all great lifestyle goals and activities. They might even be the first things that come to mind when thinking of self care but this isn’t what self care looks like.

Nepenthe describes the truth of Self Care in all it’s raw, real, beauty. It’s wisdom to consider.

“ “Self-care is often a very unbeautiful thing.

It is making a spreadsheet of your debt and enforcing a morning routine and cooking yourself healthy meals and no longer just running from your problems and calling the distraction a solution.

It is often doing the ugliest thing that you have to do, like sweat through another workout or tell a toxic friend you don’t want to see them anymore or get a second job so you can have a savings account or figure out a way to accept yourself so that you’re not constantly exhausted from trying to be everything, all the time and then needing to take deliberate, mandated breaks from living to do basic things like drop some oil into a bath and read Marie Claire and turn your phone off for the day.

A world in which self-care has to be such a trendy topic is a world that is sick. Self-care should not be something we resort to because we are so absolutely exhausted that we need some reprieve from our own relentless internal pressure.

True self-care is not salt baths and chocolate cake, it is making the choice to build a life you don’t need to regularly escape from.

And that often takes doing the thing you least want to do.

It often means looking your failures and disappointments square in the eye and re-strategizing. It is not satiating your immediate desires. It is letting go. It is choosing new. It is disappointing some people. It is making sacrifices for others. It is living a way that other people won’t, so maybe you can live in a way that other people can’t.

It is letting yourself be normal. Regular. Unexceptional. It is sometimes having a dirty kitchen and deciding your ultimate goal in life isn’t going to be having abs and keeping up with your fake friends. It is deciding how much of your anxiety comes from not actualizing your latent potential, and how much comes from the way you were being trained to think before you even knew what was happening.

If you find yourself having to regularly indulge in consumer self-care, it’s because you are disconnected from actual self-care, which has very little to do with “treating yourself” and a whole lot do with parenting yourself and making choices for your long-term wellness.

It is no longer using your hectic and unreasonable life as justification for self-sabotage in the form of liquor and procrastination. It is learning how to stop trying to “fix yourself” and start trying to take care of yourself… and maybe finding that taking care lovingly attends to a lot of the problems you were trying to fix in the first place.

It means being the hero of your life, not the victim. It means rewiring what you have until your everyday life isn’t something you need therapy to recover from. It is no longer choosing a life that looks good over a life that feels good. It is giving the hell up on some goals so you can care about others. It is being honest even if that means you aren’t universally liked. It is meeting your own needs so you aren’t anxious and dependent on other people.

It is becoming the person you know you want and are meant to be. Someone who knows that salt baths and chocolate cake are ways to enjoy life – not escape from it.”

-Brianna Wiest - the truth of Self Care

The 5 Simple Truths of Self Care

Self Care is maintaining awareness of our holistic health and satisfaction. It’s is a thoughtful, balanced plan that creates the time we need for priorities, activities, ourselves and our goals.

Self Care is finding the things that refresh and nourish your soul, and simply doing more of that.

The benefits of self care are endless and can be improved and more consistent mood, emotional balance, mental focus, reduced anxiety, healthier self perception, stronger relationships, clearer goals, improved physical health, increased motivation, better work performance, greater connection with and enjoyment of life, and an endless list of more personal benefits that we can only understand for ourselves.

It’s not that we should give self care more time and attention, it’s that self care is fundamental to our overall health and wellbeing, being true to ourselves and creating the satisfaction and fulfilment we deserve, and need.

Self-Care looks different on everyone, so don’t listen to the hype of trends or feel you’re missing out if something doesn’t work for you. Just find the things that do, and do that.

Check out the ideas below to get you started on making your own self care plan and habits, or to find some inspiration for something fresh and new.

Looking for ideas on how to change up your self care routines and habits?

Click through for some inspiration