After a month of living the Movember vibes, growing my mo with a team of friends, taking up the challenge of raising donations to fund men’s health programs across the globe, and enjoying the conscious focus that comes with participating, I felt the need to keep a momentum going. I’m not so festive about the “festive season” and (insert “2020/covid19/hard life draining year / sucked / been devoid of purpose” comment here) , so I wanted to bring the same positive perspectives and sense of purpose I’ve felt through November into December.

I just didn’t know how, until I stumbled on a simple and refreshing month long Gratitude Challenge. Perfect serendipity.

Day 3: Find Gratitude For Your Body

“Appreciate what your body allows you to do and feel.”

Day 3 of the Gratitude Challenge has been a definite challenge for me. It’s taken a bit of time and soul searching to find the charm and gratitude for this one, and where it took me was surprising. 

My initial response to this challenge was skin, shape and weight deep.. so a fairly reactive, shallow one ( but I was at least aware of that). The consequences of a few longer term questionable choices, misdemeanours and mental health traps that only I’m responsible for are very reflected in my mirror.. I’m just not physically measuring up as the me I prefer and am comfortable with right now, and to feel grateful for something i’m not that happy with felt like most of my wardrobe, a stretch to get into.

Self love, body positivity and all those good vibes, but also…..power, personal responsibility and self awareness to change the things in our way of achieving them.  

Ok look, I know I’m no Quasimodo or rocking a face that could scare a zombie back to the lab they stumbled out of, and I’m very aware that saying “so not into my lookbook this season” makes me sound like a privileged little bitch just body shaming myself...but I’m also not going to lie and say I’m comfortable with the excess misshapen luggage I’ve picked up on my last few trips down the little black road, or their impact. 

Right now, after too long feeling a little powerless and lost, just sort of watching the mess unfold around me, i’m consciously creating healthier habits and routines again, so I can get back into my wardrobe comfortably, and to a reflection I recognise more.

For calling on the Powers of Greyskull and getting off my Ben&Jerry’s inspired ass to change what I need and want to, I have to admit, I am grateful.. but for me, this just doesn’t feel like the right type or tone of gratitude to do this proposition justice.

i may have started in the negative and reactive, but i knew I had to give this deeper thought.

While i’m working my way back to who i’d rather be, I’m choosing to ignore the shady eye rolls from the mirror mirror on the wall, judging and throwing the choices that got me here back at me, so i trip over them again.

instead i’m vibing “choices just have consequences, but i’m on the reno road to fix them now, so just suck it the fuck up and keep moving forward princess”

**And that concludes the shallower, self centric, neurotic chapter of my thinking.**

The Real Gratitude In

“Appreciate what your body allows you to do and feel”

To grasp something more meaningful about my body to be grateful for, my thinking turned to being more open, objective, lateral and positive while reflecting on the actual challenge presented ( not the made up one that distracted my mind)

“Appreciate what your body allows you to do and feel” .. I landed somewhere unexpected. 

Our bodies are an astonishing paradox - 

The highly complex systems that maintain our bodies are powered by the simplest act and rhythm, breathing.

This ingeniously simple act is the reason our bodies can function. It may be so innate and subtle that we’re barely conscious of doing it most of the time, but the power and energy it provides is at the core of thousands of diverse, independent, interconnected systems and processes that our body relies on to run as smoothly as it can.

There is magic in the idea that something as simple, and almost invisible, as breathing is at the core of a machine so powerful and complex that we still don’t fully understand it.

Our bodies are incredibly powerful.

They’re strong, wilful and resilient. They can survive against all odds, in the most extreme and dangerous conditions, even when we really shouldn’t have a chance; recover to perfect health after serious or life threatening illness, disease and infection: adapt to new ways of functioning after serious injury or change: accept organs donated from others or medical devices to replace damaged ones: and heal itself by producing anything from microscopic antibodies to new skin.

But our bodies are also incredibly vulnerable.

They can be completely disabled by fairly harmless things like pollen, seriously infected and harmed by viruses so tiny its impossible to comprehend, stunted and shut down by stress and trauma, tricked by simple illusions and peanuts, water or a minuscule 3 milligrams of fentanyl can kill us.

Our bodies are all essentially poured from the same lego mold.

The basic design and functions are the same no matter where we are in the world, yet we’re all completely different, unique and even customisable. None of us are exactly same in every way, not even identical twins.. Some of us are born with special, limited edition features, some turn ourselves into a canvas with tattoos, and we’re even able to fundamentally change and upgrade our bodies, so that who that are inside can be truly reflected on the outside.

We’re born with hundreds of commonalities that bind us all, but also the power, and the expectation, to break the mold not fit it, and create our own way.

Our brain is capable of unbelievable, surprising, powerful depths of complex function, thought, self protection, emotion, awareness and things we don’t even know of or understand yet. It’s also as vulnerable as the rest of our body.

As far as we know we’re the only animal that experiences and processes emotions about our emotions, some of us are wired for numbers, others for art, some of us have empathy, others are sociopaths. Some of us are filled with deluded self confidence, others with. destructive self doubt, most of us walk a line of both.

We can scramble our neurological wiring with trauma, unscramble it by being able to walk through the pain and damage, learning empowering lessons from the experience, or be too fearful of facing the unknown ( or known) to find out who and what we are on the other side.

I’m also not the only one who has tried to shut the machine down, only to have it get all self protective “Not Today Satan” on my ass and fight back. Our bodies and minds seem to have an independent power and will that we don’t fully appreciate.

Even if/when we don’t want to, they’ll fight to live, learn, win, fail, break, change, experience and ride this rollercoaster we’re all on for every day, month, year, decade, and life possible.  

We don’t reflect enough on the magic in these spunky little cabooses we all get around in.. and when we look at our bodies and think about who we are, it really is worth looking deeper than the skins, shapes, sizes, thoughts and reflections you see at the surface.  There is so much more to us than meets the eye.