2022: The Year of Forgive

New Years Resolutions… the new year, new me tradition that’s an almost obligatory part of the midnight calendar flip into a “fresh start”. It’s just that…. New Years Resolutions are bullshit, and I don’t believe in them. We can self reflect, start a new path, set new goals, create change and make that fresh start for ourselves every day of the year. When we can kick off our own new year anytime we like, we shouldn’t be bound to the idea that New Years Eve is our prompt for reflection and change.

Creating a theme to live the year by gives your choices, and your year, a greater meaning and purpose.

Instead of making resolutions for the new year, I create a theme to live by for the whole year. A theme for the year isn’t about the singular, disconnected plans and goals we have for different aspects of our life. The theme of a year is a big, yet simple idea, a single word, an uncomplicated concept, an adaptable sentiment, a story that connects self reflections, priorities, decision making, goal setting and planning in all aspects to one clear, central motivation. 

Creating a theme is like sparking a guiding light that gives them all- and how well, or not, your decisions, habits and thinking, and the path they lay serve you - purpose.

Living by a theme also makes choices, no matter how big or small, simpler. When a habit, choice, focus, behaviour, thought and anything else presented to us does not serve the purpose of your year - it’s a distraction to leave behind.

THE POWER OF A YEARLY THEME - Dean Bokhari

I’ve created a theme to live by many times since i came across the idea a few years ago, and I’ve encouraged others to give it a go as well, but i’ve fallen out of the habit and haven’t lived up to my own promise on this for a couple of years… and its this idea that I don’t live up to my own expectations, and sometimes think and do things that feel unforgivable, that’s at the heart the self reflection that lead me to rebooting this habit, and to my theme for 2022. - Forgive.

Set Your Theme of the Year Before You Set Your Goals - Psychology Today

2022: The Year of Forgive

My theme for 2022 is simple - to Forgive… even if that’s not as simple as it sounds..

We all make mistakes and questionable choices, at times let ourselves down, don’t finish plans we start, and we don’t always live up to our own expectations. We’re not always our best selves, we make choices that aren’t best for us, act and think in ways we know better than, and don’t reflect our true selves.

We all have bad habits, good habits that became harmful - or at least unhelpful - for a complex web of reasons and excuses. We limit ourselves with harmful patterns of thinking and behaviours, and we scream What In The Fuckery at ourselves because most of time, we know better than getting stuck in patterns like them. We shake off some unhelpful, or straight up unhealthy habits with change - but we don’t always fill their space with better choices , others have a power over us - whether we like it or not.

Everyone’s past, present and future is filled with broken promises, moments of cringe, days and words we’d rather forget, and a few cards we keep close to our chest… or under the table, out of sight.

And our inner critic may be full of one dimensional bias and lies, but far too often we listen and give it more power than it deserves, even when we know not to - and forget we have a few tricks up our sleeve to disempower it.

The Inner Critic doesn't deserve the power we give it

Sometimes we’re aware of our choices and behaviours and the harm they can create as we’re living them but, even when we know better, we stay in them anyway. Sometimes it takes the power of retrospect to see what we were doing.

Questionable choices, behaviours, thinking, patterns, self perceptions and whole lot of fucking up may create a hot mess or three, but it doesn’t make us bad people….it doesn’t make me a bad person.. and it doesn’t mean there has been no good in recent years. A bunch of fuck ups amongst some good times just makes me human - but being stuck in them is unhealthy and unhelpful, and perpetuates harmful cycles that i’ve let get in my way one too many times.

I’ve been stuck under a rock of the old maxim "The Best Predictor of Future Behaviour Is Past Behaviour" for far too long, but that’s more bad bumper sticker pop psychology that water-tight behavioural science… and the only things that don’t change, continue repeating and are inevitable for each of us, are the things you choose to be.

They say no-one really changes until they become tired of their own bullshit… and i crossed that line a while ago. Wanting change wasn’t enough though and it was only recently that I found what I didn’t know i was missing, but needed to start making change happen…

I’m self aware enough to see and acknowledge most of my own dumbfuckery, know the impacts it has on me, and manage the emotional rollercoaster and frustration of stuckness well enough …what I’ve been missing is forgiving myself for all the dumbfuckery, especially the things I’ve been holding onto as unforgivable.

Without forgiving myself i’ve held on to the misbelief that the past always predicts the future, creating possibly the worst theme of self fulfilling prophesy anyone could live by …. actually not live by. A want to change stifled by the belief that i’d just make the same mistakes over and over again stopped me from seeing any reason to change, and that’s a theme for doing nothing but exist.

2022 is the year of forgive…It’s time to forgive myself for all the fucking up i feel from the last few years, even if the sticker says “unforgivable”..

It’s time to forgive myself, because past behaviour isn’t the predictor of future behaviour if I choose to take the reigns and create change in all the ways it’s needed.

It’s time to forgive myself, to stop just existing, change the record on the repetitive negative self talk traps, and start to live, connect, plan, feel and do. It’s time to fill my Smile Jar like I used to, and like it’s meant to be filled.

The Jar of Smiles, and how to fill a jar of your own

2022 is the year of forgive… because sometimes to move on in life, you have to lego of the past.

This may take some self care, and taking some of my own advice for a change;

What is Self Care - Understanding what self care really means and looks like

Self Care, Think - Activities and thought starters for the mind

Self Care, Feel - Activities to connect with and understand our emotional wellbeing

Self Care, Do - thought starters for self care planning and activities

What will your theme for 2022 be?

If you’re not sure where to start, check out some of my themes of the past, and follow this simple guide, How to Create a Yearly Theme