BowTie Blues

Howdy Toasters,

Ever stumbled across a task you just can’t master?

I realise I’m not the brightest colour in the crayon box but I’m reasonably proficient at working with or through ( or at least around) my disabilities… Maths, not knowing left from right, self control, over indulgence, bad habits, lack of focus and direction, passive aggressive tendencies and emotional desolation ( slight overstatement but it works for dramatic effect)… We all have a monkey or two on our backs that just won’t frack off.

My latest, and possibly most frustrating disability to date, is my sheer inability to tie a bow tie. Not much of a drama really.. Until you’ve been standing in front of a mirror ( in your pants so nothing gets in the way of the tie or blocks the reflection) watching YouTube instructional videos for what seems like hours, completely flabbergasted at how fracking unskilled you are at the task.

It looks like I do everything right, I follow what the YouTube man says ( even when I start thinking he’s just patronising and taunting me with his skill) and, every time without fail my fingers end up in a knot and the two bits of funky material fall scrunched up to my chest, not looking anything like a bow tie should.

Numerous attempts have been made, sometimes with the ferret pacing in the background as we’re probably late to somewhere…. none have ended well. I blame my inability to tell left from right, it always pushes me in a wrong direction.

Break out the butter, I’ll be back real soon ( today’s toast served with crunchy peanut butter… a happy place to calm the bow tie blues )

tying a bow tie
it’s not this easy, i hate him


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