Empty Nest I: middle aged, WTF?!?!

Howdy Toasters,

** Warning: this blog contains confronting news that is not suitable for, well, anyone****

I bring shocking news from the marketing segmentation front. I was innocently reading my (full of hate) text book on consumer behavior when, unexpectedly, the full weight of this 680 page monster jumped up, whacked me in the face with something horrific… and then quietly went back to it’s business of being a book like nothing had happened.

What happened yconsumer behaviour..... read with cautionou ask? It called me MIDDLE AGED!!! Now sure, i’m not 21 any more, and no matter how good my moisturising routine is i know i couldn’t even pull off under 25 (ok, maybe if it’s dark and i’m freshly shaved surrounded by patients waiting for cataracts to be removed i could) but middle aged? Totes harsh!

And not just middle aged (which puts me in the 35 – 64 age group by the way… where the parents of the sliver ferret sit), but i’m an empty nester …. um, (taking a breathe, and clutching my pearls and biting back tears).. when the hell did i become one of Golden Girls? How did this happen? why?

One minute i’m living like Vincent Chase, Nina Proudman & Don Draper…. the next i feel like Delta Burke in Designing Women (wow, i really am THAT gay aren’t i?)… let’s not even get me started on when i moved out of the Holden Caulfield’s demographic.

I have only one thing to say to my rude, thoughtless, insultful “book”…. i shall continue working with you for the rest of the semester…. but don’t expect me to respect you in the morning.

Break out the Butter. i’ll be back real soon (today’s toast is bought to you with a middle aged spread… what a c*nt!)